You’ll never know

You’ll never know

You’ll never know

Because I’ll never tell

The way you made me feel

The way I

The way you said you felt

The way the evening went

The way the morning came

The way the darkness would melt

From the shadows of my mind

Into the background of my eyes

When you came along

Against the sunshine

Against the rain

Against the sleepless nights

On my iPod bright

Against my feet on the cobbled streets

Against my fingers on the screen

Against my ears in the night

Where our soft voices would meet

Bittersweet memories

Against my palm

With moments, messages

So sweet

The truth is

You’ll never know

Because I’ll never tell

The way you made me feel

The way I fell

Into the ground

Into the night

When I can’t sleep

And my heart swells

As I scroll through

All the things my words don’t say

The truth is

I can’t paint

My emotions that way

I can’t draw

All my tears away

So

You’ll never know

Because I’ll never tell

And we’ll never know

What could have happened

If it wasn’t this way.

My art is

My art

is

my escape.

 

It is

you.

 

Who

shapes.

 

The

line.

 

My

pen

takes.

 

Today.

 

You.

Made.

Me.

Forget.

 

Why

I

Draw

In the

first

place.

 

Today.

 

You made

me

realise.

 

Why

I

Can’t

Forget

 

Your

Face.

 

My art

is

me

in

your

warm

embrace.

 

I

wish

I

could

show

you

 

the dark

marks

 

the grey

against my palms

 

my fingers

against the page

 

the lines

that

they trace.

 

Everyday.

Late.

 

Into

the night,

 

my hands

fall

 

without

grace.

The Year: 2091

The Year: 2091

The year is 2091

I am old and frail

But I recognise you, still

In the distant morning sun

As I walk down the long garden trail

Alone

Every Saturday

Without stopping

Without fail

 

This time

I take my time, slowly, towards the Coffee Shop at the end

Can it be, after all these years

That I am finally seeing you,

Again?

Through the long grown green bushes, down the yellow path

My heart beats

One

Two

Three

Oh

 

And All I See

Is You

Through my tears

Standing there, with your walking stick

And thin dimpled smile

And white hair

Blowing in the wind, without a care

Is it you, Is it you?

I touch your arm lightly,

And I know you, I know you

I say.

 

and I Smile back

ever so slightly.

 

Hello, Hello

You do, You do

We met over 80 years ago

On this very same day

In fact

 

Today, I left the hospital behind

And came to find you.

I couldn’t stay away any longer

And I know you come by this way

Every weekend, for the past few years, during May

 

I saw you once, you know, when you weren’t looking

You were sitting over there, by the pond

Scrapbooking

And you looked so glorious in the midday sun

Like the day I saw you in London

When you were signing your books

And greeting your fans

 

But you didn’t know, you didn’t know

That I came and stood at the back

All those years ago

Hoping to catch you

At one of your sold-out shows

 

You didn’t see me though

You didn’t see me go

To the tree you mentioned

The one that hangs low

 

I went and sat in the shade

My head against your works, watching the sunlight fade

Under the clouds, on the grass, in the corner of Hyde Park

on a long day, it was, during the middle of March

 

And You don’t know, You don’t know

How I’ve read your words over and over

In the books, and the blog posts

In the comments, and the grey papers

You mention me

All over 

 

In your Art, and Your Eyes

I can see

My green shirt

And Aztec print jumper

In the tall glass building

Where we first met 

Sometime between the summer and winter

I remember, I remember too

Don’t think I don’t

Because I do, I do

 

That’s why I came today,

I came looking for you.

I need to say something

Before my days are over, and everything turns misty blue

And you are beyond my reach

And there are no more chances for us, to meet 

I’m sorry, I’ve never said it before

I never knew, that you wanted more

But here I am, and it’s true

I love you

 

I love you too.

Meet me in March

Meet me in March

My days are empty
They are devoid of meaning
But one day I told myself, what is there really to lose?
So I asked you to come and meet me, by the tube station, next to the greenery, at noon

When you walked up to me, dimples deep and beaming
and asked me how I was doing,
I couldn’t help but look up
and smile with all my might and feeling

I’m glorious I said, how are you, where do you plan on going?
Let’s not go too far, you say
How about that park over there?
I nod silently, let you take my hand, and finally lead the way

I haven’t seen you in so long, you look amazing, I’m sorry I’ve never said it more
It’s ok, don’t worry, it’s not like we’ve met like this many times before
But we should, you say, with no explanation given
But your eyes tell me something, and I wonder if there are any feelings you keep hidden

I’ve missed you, you say, and I return with a smile, you too
Why don’t we lie on the grass, and you can tell me what you’ve been up to, from your art to the new you

The sky goes dark, as we make our way down to the grass
But your laughter
It breaks through the clouds surrounding my heart
And for a moment,
I am reminded of the time
When we first met,
in the tall glass building
At university,
when everything was brand new
I was nineteen, and confused
You wondered in,
through an unknown door
Eighteen and cool
And that was it,
you were all I saw.
You glanced at me,
And I withdrew.
Like ancient souls, in love
meeting anew.

Now you’ve grown and as we lie here
All I can do, is look at you, as my words float away
Your smile, it is sunlight through layers of grey
I have no idea what I’m saying, but what does it matter anyway
If I look at you any longer, I’m sure you’ll know
The things that my words do not convey
Everything I wish for, but cannot say

I feel alive again, but you don’t see
because I hide it so well
You’ll never know
You could never tell
Of all the nights I couldn’t sleep
After those rare occasions, when we’d meet
And discuss all the possibilities of our future selves
The tales of all the people you planned to save and help
Me and my writing, the stories I hoped to create for endless shelves
And then you would leave, and you would always remain
blissfully unaware of everything you meant
to my present
and
past self.

I can feel your warm hands in my cold ones
And this feeling, it’s unknown to me
But I wish I could hold onto it forever because I know this is it,
this is what will save me.

And even though I know it’s momentary,
that we will soon part
and that this will all be a distant memory
Seeing you again, after so many years, has made me realise
the darkness that I sit upon everyday
Will always be there
As long as you and I remain apart.

So I suggest it, once more, let’s see each other again, I say
Meet me on the third Saturday of March
Under the long stemmed tree, in the corner of Hyde Park
Where we can lie on the grass and catch up like old friends,
And pretend like there’s nothing between us,
over and over again.

So I met a man…

So I met a man…

I was on a boat (don’t ask me why I was on a boat)
And a man approached, confidently
In a suit, through the crowd, afloat
He said hello there, we glanced at each other from across the room
And I just had to come over, and introduce myself to you

We spoke for a moment or two
About who we were and who we knew
Before he exclaimed, so you are both beautiful and intelligent, what a rarity for this to be true!
Can I take you to dinner, today, tomorrow, anytime, whatever you wish
Please, do not say nay
Women like you are hard to come by,
It is not something of the everyday

I apologise for my forthrightness
But I cannot see anything else beyond you, in your striking dress
I speak nothing but the truth, and from me, you can expect nothing less
Do not reject me I beg of you, lest you enjoy watching lovers suffer
I am happy to give you all that I have, the best a man can offer

I am flattered, but I cannot, you see, I have standards, walls, barriers, that you cannot climb, that you cannot meet
Do not be offended, it is simply not meant to be
Maybe some other time, when I am truly in need, but for now I am happy being free,
forgive me sir,
but can I ask you to leave?

Oh so you’re one of them are you
Better than the rest
Making every man jump through multiple hoops and tests
You won’t even consider the possibility, the chance of something more
How can you be so sure,
That you’ll never second guess?

I said stop, stop surmising me with your theories and nonsense
I don’t have time for this, I’m not for one who remains on the fence
My answer is no, I’m sorry you don’t like to hear it
There’s a time and place for this, and it’s not right now
Don’t press it.

He said you’ll be by yourself, you’ll be alone for a very long time.
I’ve noticed, that you don’t even look at the 99% of men.
I said whatever, get lost, I’m willing to wait for the 1%.
I repeat, he said, hear my words, you’ll be alone for a very long time.
Don’t be so cold my dear,
You’ll remember this and
You’ll regret it.